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What is it with people from South of Suffolk? No offence!

22 May 2015

What is it with people from South of Suffolk? Do they not have Steam Rooms in Essex for fear of the fake tan running? Today saw another Hotel/Leisure Centre Steam room related incident involving those less fortunate then ourselves.

The first incident happened during the last Groupon "75% off and kids eat free" offer at my local hotel/lesiure centre where I like to swim a few times a week to keep myself looking like a massive seal. Mr and Miss Groupon on a "promise" weekend entered the Steam Room only for Groupetta to announce that it was "'ot babe!" and she began flapping her hands in front of her heavily caked face which was melting before our eyes like an icecream Mars Bar in a microwave. Ever the gent, Mr Groupon lept to his feet and opened the door - "There you go babe. Is that better?"

Today, I sat relexed in the same busy Steam Room when the door opened to reveal a different Mr and Mrs Groupon and their daughter, aged around five. I’m not sure if she was named after the wine that got mother drunk enough to conceive or after the tallest building in London, but there the little dear stood in the OPEN doorway! Mum and Dad stood well back to avoid orange streaks – “There you go Chard”, Mum trilled, “Told ya it was ‘ot”. Chard stood open-mouthed as the heat rushed from the room and hit her square in the mush. It shouldn’t have taken thirty seconds to realise that steam was indeed hot but Mr and Mrs Groupon clearly had Chard or Shard on a very slow shutter speed today so it took some time to sink in. I was about to complain as the temperate plummeted and the steam rushed out only to be greeted by a chorus of “Ahhhh, bless ‘er” from fellow south of Ipswich residents sitting in there with me while their rooms were getting made ready! Time to cut my losses and leave I thought – so I did.  

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