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Some of your best minced lamb for Delia please....

24 July 2015

Today was a real eye opener for Grumpy. A bit short of my pension I am still closer to that group than I am to Leona Lewis – which will be a lifelong regret but one with which I will have to live. But today I had to go out to get some minced lamb…..

“So what?” I hear you say, “and why?”

Well the “why” is easier. I bough Mrs Grumpy a copy of Delia’s Cheating Cookbook in the hope that it might encourage her (Mrs G that is, not Delia who needs no encouragement at all!). I even got the dear old thing to sign it for her so that Mrs G felt somehow obliged to do something.

Alas it didn’t work. I did gain some encouragement when Mrs G asked to have the accompanying TV series recorded but hope quickly turned to despair when Mrs G watched the first episode and proclaimed that the Queen of the Kitchen “looks a damned sight younger than when we had drinks recently”.

So…..I was out buying minced lamb for the Queen’s “Good Old Shepherd’s Pie”. D herself used M&S canned minced lamb but I calculated that by the time I had wasted three hours of my working day getting into Norwich and buying the tinned version I could just as easily get Spurgeon’s wonderful butcher to mince me up a bit and save loads of working hours and money. All I then needed to do was turn the fresh version into a canned look-alike. No problem.

Off I set for Spurgeons. This is where my eyes were opened. In front of me in the queue were four very old ladies. I’m not sure what the first one popped into her “shopping wheelie” but it cost her £25. I paid more attention to Old Dear No. 2. She ordered, “two of them nice big Sirloin Steaks…… and a bit of nice topside of beef (“No, a bit bigger bit than that dear”), oh, and I’ll have some of that pork too” - £23! Next one up goes for, “a couple of pound of your best nice lamb joint, four nice lamb steaks, three nice pork chops and some nice rump steak – for his tea” - £28. Finally, I though, some sanity as the next in line says, “pond and a half of nice mince please”, then adds, “no, not the cheap stuff dear, the minced steak, and I’ll have them nice duck breasts as well”.

Eventually it was my turn and I whispered, “half a kilo of minced lamb please”.

“PARDON!”

“Half a kilo of minced lamb”. I found myself explaining that I already had a lot from an organic lamb we had in the freezer  but I needed a bit more to make up enough for Delia’s recipe for all the small people my children had invited round for tea. By the time I had finished my speech  “elderlies” and shop staff were open mouthed and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me – and my minced lamb. But it was not to be. The butcher explained that he could do it, but it might take a little while. In brackets – “because I have all these nearly dead old biddies wanting to spend their real money with me”.

So I looked on in amazement as Old Dear after Old Dear spent absolute fortunes on meat in an over-priced butchers.

To make things even worse I returned home and spent my lunchtime cooking this Delia Delight only to serve it up and find the ungrateful little sods played around with it and grudgingly ate the mince but hated Delia’s frozen mashed potatoes, and the leek & cheese topping.

…..wait till I see her again. Mind you, she is a pensioner herself so maybe she is just convincing the likes of me to buy the cheap stuff to subsidise her and her mates buying the prime cuts.