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One General Election vote available...who wants it?

30 April 2015

Election Day is looming and I know where there is a vote available. It’s mine. It is a very valuable vote because it has never been used before. In the past I have always had the attitude that voting only encourages them. That was until I discovered that some skinny beardy “comedian” who was desperately seeking attention to re-float a sinking career had taken my idea and made it fashionable with young voters who are gullible enough to believe that Russ is the first person to discover that this nasty old world is full of inequality.

Anyway the upshot is that this year it means I have to vote for someone of scribble a rude message on the betting slip to say “Thanks for the opportunity to vote that everyone’s granddad died for – but you are still all as bad as each other”.

So, maybe I need to look for an issue that is important to me. People rowing the Med to get to Italy? Nah. Stopping people going to Syria, who six months ago we were telling if they didn’t like it here to go somewhere else? Nah. Global Warming? Nah. Then finally I thought of something I would like sorted out…..

…..my Broadband. I currently get around 0.6mgb speed. Right – not great is it! I have just returned from rural Dorset where even those with six fingers on each hand get 40 mgb. How do you think that made me feel?  So, how difficult can it be? Get me faster broadband and I’ll vote for you.

Sadly, things are never as easy as they should be. You see, with the best will in the world the “Bless ‘em” parties such as the Eat yer Greens, You Kip, Liberals etc are not going to get anywhere and, it seems I can’t vote SNP even if I would ever want to – which I wouldn’t. So I’m stuck with Conservative or Labour. Here’s the dilemma. I live in rural Norfolk. Why would the Labour person want to promise me the investment needed to speed up my broadband? They know they haven’t really got a cat in hell’s chance of getting elected round here. They gentry would shoot them first. So, Conservative, then? Well, no actually. Because, the person sitting in London who has the money to spend on improving my broadband thinks – “Why would I spend money in South Norfolk when, with all due respect, our guy up there could wee on a Norwich City shirt at Carrow Road at a Saturday home game against Ipswich, and still get elected. So, I’ll use the money where it will do us some good”.

So, unless anyone can convince me otherwise, the vote will remain unused for another year, or I’ll scribble my pointless note on the betting slip thing. 

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