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Genuine Performance Review Statements.....you'll love 'em!

17 July 2015

Here are some wonderful, and genuine, Performance Review statements….you'll just wish you'd made them.

  • Since my last review this man has reached rock bottom – and started to dig.
  • His men would follow him anywhere – but only out of morbid curiosity.
  • I would not allow this employee to breed.
  • He is not so much a “has been” as a “won’t be”.
  • Works well under constant supervisor and cornered like a rat in a trap.
  • When she opens her mouth it seems it is only to change feet.
  • He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
  • This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
  • He sets himself low standards – then consistently fails to meet them.
  • This employee should go far – the sooner he starts the better.
  • A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus.
  • I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
  • He would argue with a signpost.
  • He has a knack of making strangers immediately.
  • He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
  • When his IQ reaches 50 we should be able to make a salesman of him.
  • If you see two people talking and one looks bored – he’s the other one.
  • Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

I have a load more of these and will do a part two in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile – please don’t try this at work! 

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